So we sounded "pretty good" last night I'd say. Definitely another successful gig. Tons of people there. All were happy.
Some were really into it like our new friend Kenji who nabbed a limited edition first-print "let it go" tshirt cos he was just loving it.
To the couple dancing to "Thank You Pachelbel", well done! That ain't nuthin if not inspiring. To the sweet mother and daughter from South America to stage left, thank you for the energy. I could feel you.
The din at the bar ebbed and flowed though never ceased (and never ceases at The Bitter End) but there were more people listening intently than there were people ignoring us. Many new names on the mailing list. We made money off the door.
Hard to argue with any of that.
Now for the hard part...
I was not there enough. Not even close for my satisfaction. Even with the sweat dripping off me and the grooves pounding away and the crowd swaying, I was in and out of the present moment. I know it happens to everyone and I know it gets better with experience. I don't think anyone in the audience even consciously noticed if they noticed at all--I get it. But still I wanna get better. For no other reason than it is my greatest desire to get better. Better songs. Better performance. There are no shortcuts. Only with continued exposure to live audiences will I ever continue to calm myself down enough while I'm on stage to be completely present in the moment. It's the greatest joy, one of the main reasons good musicians on stage seem to be ecstatic (they often are). There is a slowing down of time and an opening up of space within the measures of the song that is hard to describe but unforgettably joyful to experience. It's truly like Neo in The Matrix. I have been to that space many times (and was there most of the time last night as all in the band pointed out to me). I've been there much more frequently in rehearsal though even there I am sometimes unable to remain unswervingly in the zone even there. So there is much work to be done. I will continue to faithfully execute the responsibilities of my office. I will work with an open heart and sharp mind to continue to find a way to become one with the music I make. I will continue to ask for help when needed. I make this promise to you. We will all get there. We're going there together. I cannot begin to express how much you all mean to me for supporting me on this journey and how much your support means to our chances of reaching the summit together. I will gratefully plant a prayer flag on all our behalves when we get there, for the sake of all. I'm planting them all along the way too since there is no reason to be so selfish, self-centered, & arrogant as to think the foothills & the winding trails of this mountain are any less worthy of reverence than the summit.
I am trying, and I will continue to try, to be present for each an every moment on this incredible adventure that is every boy. I feel blessed to have the opportunity. I feel grateful for the support from so many. As I wrote in the song "Reset":
Possibly
Lost at sea
But my ship is strong and sailing for the future
Different analogy, same message.
I eagerly await recording new material with the extremely talented cats in the band. Tomorrow we'll set up for tracking at Art Farm. Anyone who signs up for the mailing list will have access to exclusive material from these sessions on the top of the mountain. I hope to be able to find time to update you all along the way.
More soon.
Be well,
eb
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